Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
