You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
