I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
