Already got asked if we're dating
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
