I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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