I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bring me that man meat
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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