Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
