i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and you fell through a lawn chair
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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