You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
