I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
