M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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