just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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