No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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