the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
