Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
