Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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