I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
