Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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