That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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