Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
