I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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