im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
