His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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