True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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