I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
