dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
