Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
