I'm drive I can fine osifer
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
