did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
