...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
