I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
