and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Two words: blizzard sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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