the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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