Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
