I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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