I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
