Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
