my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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