I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
