I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
