Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love having hate sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
