I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
