Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it was like eating out sand paper
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
