No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
