When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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