I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize