Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
