i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
