lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
