I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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