Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
