the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
