shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
