he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
