I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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