Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
where are my eyebrows?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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