You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
