i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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