Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
