I didn't shave. On purpose
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
