you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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