rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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