no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
