Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
